


That Which Defeats Darkness

by kayura_sanada



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Consequences, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, Forgiveness, Heartache, Hopeful Ending, I Am Still Salty, M/M, Minor Violence, Not Aqua Friendly, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Redemption, This Was More Of A Purge Than Anything Else, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Terraqua, get ready for tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 08:43:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18407120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayura_sanada/pseuds/kayura_sanada
Summary: Everyone has darkness in their hearts. At least a little.





	That Which Defeats Darkness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [astroaethrae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astroaethrae/gifts).



Aqua was always watching Terra.

Sure, Terra had returned to them and sloughed off the position Xehanort had placed him in. His darkness, however, was still there, and needed to be watched, just as Master Eraqus had initially asked of her. One could say that was why she watched him. But they would only be half right.

Even before the darkness, Aqua had watched him.

Always, whether she meant to or not, her gaze would always follow him around a room. Since their return home – since she’d seen the intense gaze he’d given her – she’d begun staring even more.

At first, Terra’s focus was all on Ven. Ven, who had been alone for so long.

That first day back, they made a grave for Master Eraqus. Aqua prayed to the grave, asking the master to help her watch over Terra. When she opened them, she found Terra on his knees, head bowed. Ven leaned beside him in much the same way he had when trying to get Terra to return to them at the Keyblade Graveyard. She lurched toward them, only for Terra to reach up and touch Ven’s hand. “I’m all right,” Terra said.

He wasn’t. She knew he wasn’t. Ven knew, too; he lowered his forehead to touch Terra’s, still trying to bring him comfort. And Terra leaned into it, reaching up to hold Ven’s head close. She knelt beside Terra, too, and touched his back, trying to shore him up. Terra sent a grateful smile to her, but did not pull away from Ven. She leaned her head on his shoulder. They stayed like that for some time.

Afterward, Ven ended up introducing them to Chirithy, apparently an old friend of Ven’s from before Xehanort’s interference. Terra had spoken in length with Chirithy. Aqua and Ven had watched from a distance, sitting on a bench as Terra and Chirithy went on and on about something. She looked at Ven and the small smile on his face. “You aren’t upset?”

Ven turned to her. “Huh?”

She nodded toward the other two. Neither looked close to completing their conversation. “Terra’s taking time with your friend. Didn’t you want to talk to him?”

“Well, sure, but I can do that any time.” Ven shifted where he sat. He’d been the one to pull Aqua away, saying he wanted to speak with her and give Terra and Chirithy some time to get to know each other. In the end, his ‘talk’ had simply been to thank her for coming back for him. It had lasted all of a minute. Terra’s had gone on for far longer. “Right now, I think Terra needs to get a few things off his chest.”

She looked back at the two. Terra knelt on the ground, all the better to be at eye level with the creature known as Chirithy. She frowned. Terra certainly did seem serious. Now that she really looked, she could see how stiff Terra’s shoulders were, how much more he was listening than talking. “Like what?” she asked.

Ven didn’t answer.

That night, she heard Ven and Terra talking to each other as she went to the bathroom to prepare for bed. “If a keyblade wielder falls to darkness,” Terra said, his voice low, “they turn into darklings.”

“You never did,” Ven said. Aqua tilted her head. “You turned into a different kind of heartless. And you only did so after Xehanort took over and deliberately split your heart from your body.”

Aqua shifted until she stood against the side of the wall. From the sound of it, the two were in Ven’s room. “So I… I never…”

“Of course not. I told you.” A slight pause, and when Ven spoke again, the sound was muffled. “You’re not darkness, Terra. You’re nothing like the darkness.”

She lowered her head. She wasn’t certain what they were talking about, but she knew one thing. Even though Ven was trying to be kind, he was doing more harm than good. Terra _had_ fallen to darkness. She’d seen what he’d done. He’d ended up helping Xehanort kill their master. He’d become a heartless. He’d fought her and Ventus both. Telling him otherwise would weaken his defenses, make him think what he did was all right. He needed to be more on-guard. She would have to speak with him.

She’d been the one he recognized as protecting their connection. He knew he was too weak to do it. He knew she was right.

She finished her nightly ablutions slowly, but even though she took her time, still Terra had not left Ven’s room by the time she finished. She frowned. Ven had slept alone for years, however. He likely needed someone with him. She crept to the door of the room and opened it. Sure enough, Terra and Ven had fallen asleep propped up against the wall, heads balancing on one another. She shook her head and smiled. Silently, she sneaked in and wrapped Ven’s blanket around them both. Tomorrow. She would tell Terra tomorrow.

* * *

She’d woken up the next day to find Terra sparring with Ven outside, dawn barely cracking over the horizon of the Land of Departure’s small domain. She’d contented herself with making a huge meal, adding tons of Ven’s and Terra’s favorite dishes. She made the table when she found they hadn’t yet come inside, then went to fetch them.

Terra blocked Ven’s keyblade as it spun through the air. With a hard twist of his body, he threw it aside. Ven called it back to himself and ran forward. Terra blocked again, but Ven jumped up high. With a quick burst of wind beneath his feet, he launched himself up and over, landing hard on the grass behind Terra. This time, it was Ven who spun quickly, his keyblade curled tight in his hand. When he stopped, it was just before he hit Terra’s side.

Terra stood straight, his keyblade drooping to his side. She stepped forward, ready to console Terra on falling to last in strength. Ven dropped his own keyblade and moved to Terra’s side, looking up. His grin was beatific; he’d never beaten Terra before. To him, this was a mark of mastery. To Terra…

Terra reached down and pulled Ven close, ruffling that wild blond hair of his. Ven laughed. “You’re so strong now!” Terra leaned down and hugged Ven tight. Ven easily returned it. Ven looked up, only to catch Aqua’s stare. He blushed and struggled back from Terra’s grip. Terra let him go, only to frown down at him. Ven’s gaze was still on her. Blushing? Did he think it wrong for a boy to hug his brother when he’d just shown himself an adult? She smiled.

“I’m so proud of you, Ven. And Terra, you fought well, too.” She moved to Terra’s side, placing one hand on his arm. Ven shuffled back. Giving them space. “It’s been a while since you fought in your own body. Give it time, and I’ll bet you could give Ven a run for his money again.”

“Hey!” Ven said.

Terra smiled. “Thanks, but I won’t make excuses. Ven and I have been practicing for hours, and he finally got a hit on me. It’s not because I’m weaker. It’s because Ven’s stronger.”

She stared and stared, but she didn’t see a sign of that self-deprecation Terra had worn so many times in their years together. Had he grown up from such emotions? Or was he genuinely proud of what Ven had accomplished?

She looked at Ven. He was still a child, wide-eyed and small, and she couldn’t help but think he was still too young to have gone through what he had. Too young to have nearly died a second time, to have needed to shelter his heart in another. But maybe he _had_ grown, if just a little bit? If little Riku could become a keyblade master at his age, maybe Ven wasn’t far behind? She tried to smile at the thought, but all she could think was that Ven had grown up so quickly, and all without her. She felt like she’d lost something. “Well, the two of you can rest for now. I made breakfast.”

Both exclaimed over her work as they all gathered around the table. She looked from Terra to Ventus, sitting across from each other. They had taken their old seats, from back when Master Eraqus had been with them. She took her old seat, too, leaving the head of the table empty. For a moment, the room felt too large, too empty. But then Ven reached forward and plucked an omelet roll from the piles of food, and the usual war began. She laughed. Her family was back together again. She would discuss difficult things later. They had time now. They could rest.

* * *

That evening, she went to speak with Terra. Ventus’ door was closed, and she didn’t hear him inside. She’d thought him asleep, yet when she went to the living room to find Terra, she heard Ven speaking. She stopped. She didn’t want to listen into their conversation again. Yet she couldn’t help but think Ven might be giving Terra empty platitudes again, and she had to be ready for them. She stopped and listened.

“Sometimes,” Ven said, “I could dream. Sometimes, when things happened around Sora, I could almost hear them. I could feel the darkness around him. I kept – I kept trying to call out, to shout a warning or… or…”

“You were recovering from nearly dying,” Terra said. His voice cracked. “Don’t ever think you should have done more.”

Silence. She lowered her head. Oh. It was Ven needing comfort this time. She stepped out, ready to help. On the couch sat Terra, Ven laying horizontal beside him, his head in Terra’s lap. Terra’s fingers carded through Ven’s hair. She bit her lip, a surge of darkness leaving her momentarily surprised. She wanted to be the one in Ven’s position. Even though it was for comfort, even though Ven looked ready to cry, she shamefully felt a flicker of darkness in her heart. She tamped it down, stifling it with thoughts of how sad and small Ven had seemed, still sitting in Master Eraqus’ chair. He needed this.

Terra lifted his head, nostrils flaring. He caught sight of her. His eyes widened. Mutely, he shook his head. Telling her to leave? Why? Ven needed them both.

“I don’t think I could have done anything,” Ven said. “And things turned out all right, at least…”

“Riku will find Sora,” Terra said, full of confidence. “If you’d like, we can meet with them tomorrow and speak with him about it.”

Ven opened his eyes and leaned up. On instinct, Aqua scooted back, hiding from view. Why? “Really?!”

“Of course,” Terra chuckled. “So don’t worry so much.”

“Thanks, Terra.”

Aqua leaned her head back against the wall. Was this why Terra had told her to leave? Because he had it handled? It didn’t seem like it. Was Ven afraid to bring up to Aqua what he’d gone through while sleeping, since she had been the one to leave him behind for so long? She grimaced. One shaking hand touched her chest. She hadn’t meant to. She’d wanted so badly to get back to him, to save him.

She left.

* * *

“No!” Terra grabbed her shoulders. The warmth of his hands seeped into her. She breathed. “No, that’s not it. Not at all.” He squeezed. “Ven doesn’t blame you.”

She looked down. When she smiled, it came out empty. Lifeless. “But you told me to back away. To not comfort him.”

Terra let go of her and cleared his throat. She looked up, but even with years and years of watching him, she couldn’t read the expression on his face. “That’s not – that’s not why,” he said dumbly. She watched him try again. “Ven would have stopped talking if he’d seen you.” Then, apparently realizing how that sounded, he said, “not like that!” and threw out his hands. Aqua raised a brow. “No, really. I think, if anything had interrupted him…”

Oh. _Oh._ She touched her chest. In other words, Terra had been afraid of breaking the moment? She curled her fingers. Okay. She nodded. “I get that,” she said finally, her voice soft. “But he’s all right? He knows I wanted to come save him sooner, right?”

“Of course!” Terra grabbed her shoulder again. The return of that warmth made her entire body heat. “Aqua, I promise you. Both of us know how much you suffered. How hard you fought to get us back. We know you love us.”

Her first instinct was to smile, to reach forward and touch his shoulder the way he touched hers. But as she did so, something in his eyes became hooded and drawn. Her smile slipped away. What was he hiding? What was happening behind those eyes? More darkness? She gripped his arm tight, forcing his attention fully back to her. “You’re all right, too? That darkness inside you. Have you dealt with it?”

His gaze closed off completely. Slowly, he backed away. Her hand fell to her side. That was a no, then.

“You’re still strong, Terra. You can continue to fight it, to be the master we both know you can be.” She stepped forward when he took another step back. “And you know I’ll be with you, every step of the way.”

Terra nodded, but he didn’t look at her. “Right.”

She frowned. He was slipping away. The mood was dismal again. Now was the best time to lay down that unhappy truth from before. “You fell to darkness, Terra, no matter what Ven says.” Terra’s gaze snapped to hers. She held it. “You fell to your anger and hatred. Do you still have that? Even with Xehanort and Vanitas gone?”

Terra took another step back. This time, when she made to follow after, he put a hand between them. Keeping her away. Her heart tripped. She hadn’t thought he was actually in danger of his darkness getting the better of him again. Until now. “Don’t,” he said softly.

“Terra.” He didn’t put his hand down. She reached up and grabbed his wrist. He snatched it away. “I know you’re stronger than your darkness. Ven does, too. That’s why he says what he does – because he knows you’re a good person, and that you’re doing your best.” Terra shook his head, ran a hand through his hair. Turned to leave. She didn’t think. She just raced forward, grabbing his arm. He stilled. “Terra!”

He put his hand over hers. “I know you’re trying to help.” For a second, she hoped. Then he pulled her hand off of him. “But you’re not.”

He walked away. She covered her lips as she watched his retreating back. Suddenly, it felt like the past was not their past at all, but a cycle they were trapped within. Her lips trembled. She pressed them tight together, until she couldn’t feel they way they shook anymore. If Terra was falling again, then she would chase him again. The darkness would never be allowed to have him.

* * *

They went to visit the others at Destiny Islands, only to find those from Twilight Town to have gathered there, as well. They spent the day laughing and playing and generally putting Ven’s mind at ease. It was difficult, considering Kairi had returned just that morning. Without Sora. The young man named Axel had been the one to engage Ven in a game. It gave Terra time to speak with Riku, to learn of him the way he likely would have wanted all those years he was trapped with Xehanort.

He did not play with her. She tried to take it in stride. She played with Ven a few times, just as Terra did. Once, it seemed Terra would be willing to swim in the water with her, but instead he took on the challenge of a race.

Before she knew it, the larger part of the day had already fled. They spent the entire day at that beach, and while they ate together with the group and told stories about their training, her and Terra often finishing one another’s stories, Terra never went out of his way to speak with her. In fact, every time they were alone together, someone would come to interrupt them. At first, it was Ven – asking Terra to help him beat the girls in a sand castle competition, asking him to throw him into the water. Then it was Riku, saying he had a question for Terra. Then Naminé, who said she wanted to get to draw him, then Roxas, who challenged him to a spar. Over and over again, until even when she went to him herself, she found him ushered into something without her.

She only truly noticed the time that had passed when the sun dipped enough toward the horizon to tinge the sky orange. They were approaching evening. Riku started a bonfire, and Kairi provided drinks for everyone. They gathered around the fire and broke up into their respective groups. The young Xion had huddled close to little Naminé, talking low with their heads close together while her friends, Roxas and Axel, shared a look. Riku spoke softly to Kairi, his hand on her back as she stared silently into the flames; this quiet moment likely just exacerbated the silence usually filled by their lost friend. Which meant the only person really paying attention to Terra – besides herself – had been Ven.

This time, she thought, she would get her chance to speak with him.

The moment she sat next to them, however, Ven took over her attention. “I thought Sora might be back,” he said, cutting off whatever conversation he’d been previously having with Terra. “But instead, it’s only Kairi.” Ven looked over to the two, toward Riku and Kairi, and clutched his chest. “Even though we’re separated, I still feel connected with him. Like he should _be_ here.” Ven looked toward Terra, then to her. “There has to be something we can do.”

Aqua pressed her lips together. Ven’s concerns were valid, and to be honest, hearing him ask her made her happy. Even though he’d grown up a little bit in his time without her, he still depended on her. Helping Ven was a part of their responsibility – a part of having him as their family. And Ven brought her no small amount of joy. She reminded herself of that as she looked at Terra. She shouldn’t hold it against Ven that he’d once again interrupted her chance to speak with Terra.

“If we rush in, we’ll just get in the way,” Terra said. Ven looked up just as Terra put his hand on Ven’s head. “As connected as you and Sora are, there’s someone connected to him even more.”

Ven and Terra looked over. Aqua did the same, expecting them to be looking toward Kairi. Instead, they seemed to be staring at Riku. She looked back to them, quickly wrapping her arm around Ven’s shoulders. “Riku is a keyblade master,” she said, and wondered why she felt she needed to say that. It was why they’d looked at him and not Kairi, right? “He’ll take care of Sora. Right now, you just need to rest.” She smiled for him. “And if the two of you are still connected in some way, that means that your heart can keep his in the light.” She looked to Terra. “Just as mine did for Terra. Right?”

Terra’s lips thinned. He looked away. “You kept us connected,” he said, repeating his words to her when they’d finally reunited properly. Her heart soared. “Ven. If you believe in him, if you keep calling for him, then he’ll hear you. Just like I did.”

Aqua’s heart stuttered. What did that mean? What did his reaction there mean?

“Oh. Okay.” Ven closed his eyes, his hand still pressed over his heart. “Sora,” he said. Those closest to them – Axel and Naminé, on either side of the fire – turned their way. “We’re all here, waiting for you. And if anything–” Ven cut himself off. Aqua and Terra reached out at the same time, folding Ven in their arms. Now everyone was looking at them. “Well, I’m right here. And all your other friends. If you need – let us guide you home.”

Ven went silent, his gaze cast low. Aqua hugged him, feeling Terra on the other side doing the same. She smiled. With Ven and her and Riku and Kairi all lighting the way back, Sora was sure to return.

She looked at Riku. He stared at Ven, his eyes glittering in the firelight. Feeling her gaze on him, he turned those piercing eyes toward her. Her smile froze on her face. That look – determined, stalwart, unflinching – she had seen it on Tera’s face. Many years ago – when he’d lurched forward and grabbed Ven’s shoulder in Radiant Garden, demanding clarification on Ven’s words. And again in the Keyblade Graveyard, when he’d foolishly sworn he wouldn’t fall to the darkness again when she’d _known_ he would. When she’d been _right_.

Her heart chilled.

* * *

It was late when they finally made to leave. Riku and Ven had gotten to talking after the bonfire, far past when even the Twilight Town trio had said goodbye for the night. She had stood with Terra, but he never instigated conversation. Finally, she said, “are you still hiding your darkness from me?”

Terra flinched. He looked at her, eyes dark and shining from the dark night sky around them. At their backs, the waters of the island crashed and churned. He didn’t answer her.

She faced him fully. He was little more than a silhouette; a shape of a man and nothing more. She reached out and touched his arm, just to remind herself that he was real. She felt him stiffen under her touch. “You know I’m here for you,” she said. Still, he remained silent. “I know you’re still fighting it. Master Xehanort might have used your darkness, but he didn’t put it there. Releasing yourself from him wouldn’t release you from the darkness in your heart.” She leaned into his space, the sand sifting obligingly around her feet. “I can help you. We can get through it together. You’re strong enough to fight it back.”

She saw movement on that face of his. His throat worked; she heard him swallow. “Darkness is a part of me,” Terra said. His voice sounded hollow. She gripped his arm tight, her nails sinking into his skin. “It’s a part of you, too.”

The words reminded her of the feel of Mickey’s keyblade in her hand, and the feel of power rushing through her veins. She shook her head fervently, pushing the memories back. “I keep it in check,” she said. Terra quieted. “You can, too.”

“Riku accepted his darkness and became stronger for it.”

“You aren’t Riku.” She felt Terra flinch and tried to soothe her words some. “He’s a special case.” You’re already strong. You don’t need the darkness.”

Terra looked away from her. She followed his gaze, unsurprised to see him looking at Ven and Riku, still talking, but bodies positioned toward the two of them. How did it feel to be surpassed by your protégé? The protégé you only saw a short time before, only to lose over ten years of your life? To return and find the one you’d unwittingly abandoned had thrived so well without you as to achieve what you could not?

She frowned up at Terra. It must have been a terrible burden. She squeezed his arm in support, but Terra shook her off and walked toward the other two. Aqua watched, feeling like she was losing him all over again.

“Aqua?”

She turned. “Kairi.” She tried to smile for the young princess, but it failed. Hoping the darkness of the night might hide her countenance, she turned her back on the moon. “What can I do for you?”

The little girl shook her head. “That’s actually what I was going to ask you.” Aqua’s brows rose. Kairi giggled, apparently seeing the action despite the darkness. “You looked worried.”

Aqua bit her lip. Despite herself, her gaze slid straight back to Terra. Even in the darkness, he was gorgeous. Loose hair pulled back, broad shoulders held straight. “I’m afraid Terra’s falling to darkness again.”

Kairi was silent for several moments. “What makes you think that?” she asked finally.

“Aren’t you worried, too?” Aqua swept a hand toward them. “Riku’s put himself so close to the darkness. He’s even mixed it in with his light. They’re barely distinguishable from each other. Aren’t you afraid of what that means for him?”

Kairi shook her head. “Not at all.” Her words made Aqua’s brows shoot even higher. This time, the smile Kairi gave her was soft. It looked like she was staring at Aqua like she was a child. Little Kairi was looking down on her? “I know he’ll be fine.”

“How?” She pulled Kairi a bit further away, until the waves lapped at the edges of her shoes. “How did Riku conquer the darkness? Can he help me teach Terra?”

Kairi stood silent for several moments, just staring up at Aqua. Finally, she reached up. Slowly, Kairi took Aqua’s hands in hers. “There’s nothing that he needs to learn,” she said. Aqua’s brows furrowed. She opened her mouth to argue. “I think,” Kairi said, “maybe there’s something you might need to learn, instead.”

Aqua’s fingers clenched around Kairi’s. What? Kairi’s smile was still soft, but now Aqua was certain. There was some soft reproach in those eyes. “I’m fine,” she said. “It’s Terra who succumbed to the darkness. And he’s avoiding me now.”

Kairi sighed and let go of Aqua’s hands. She stepped away. “I hope you find the answers you need,” she said, and walked away.

What did that mean? Aqua brought her hands to her lips. She looked once more at Terra, at that back as it caught the water’s reflection upon it, turning him into a picture of motion even when still. Maybe Kairi was aware of how she’d fallen to darkness. Even though she’d managed to push it back, she couldn’t be like Riku, who balanced a dangerous line and could fall at any moment. Perhaps she couldn’t help Terra with this. Only Riku could help him learn that balance. All she could help him with was defeating the darkness.

But that didn’t feel right. That didn’t feel like what Kairi had been saying. Not at all.

“You have to tell her.”

She jerked. Riku? She looked at him. Kairi had joined them, leaving her all alone. The way they circled around each other kept her apart, separate. Only that one sentence, as Riku seemed nearly angry.

“I know. But she won’t–”

“She never will if you don’t tell her!” It was too dark to see their faces, but he seemed to be facing Terra.

Why were they leaving her alone?

She put a hand to her heart. Why was she being shunted to the side? Why would the others do that? Why would Ven…

Wait. She put her hands to her cheeks, instinctively trying to hide the flush of red, even though it was far too dark to see. Hadn’t she heard Riku say that Terra needed to ‘tell her?’ Tell her what? Was _that_ why Kairi had been upset with her? Because she’d seen Terra avoiding her and had assumed the worst? Instead of thinking that, just maybe, he was feeling shy and awkward because he’d stated his affections for her in the Keyblade Graveyard and he didn’t know what step to take next?

How silly of her! No wonder he’d gotten quiet and upset. He _was_ dealing with his darkness. Sure, maybe he still needed help with it, but that wasn’t the looming disaster she’d thought it was. She should have known when Kairi had been the one to come speak with her. A girl talk! Of anyone, Kairi would know what it was like to wait for the boy to make the first move.

And now she understood why Ven had wanted to spend so much time with Terra! The two of them were closer than brothers. How must Ven have felt, to see Aqua and Terra share such an intimate moment together? He must have thought _he_ would be the one shunted to that side. He’d wanted Terra to be with him because he was afraid he would lose Terra to this altered relationship.

She would have to comfort Ven. Of course they both loved him! And she needed to be nicer, too; she’d nearly gotten upset with Ven pressing his time between them and interrupting her chances with Terra. Ven didn’t deserve that. He would understand their need for time alone if she made it clear that they would still always have time for him. They both loved Ven, after all. He was like their little brother, almost like their child. Hadn’t Ven even mentioned something like that in Radiant Garden?

She put her hands down, worried that they might see her and know what she was thinking. She just had to relax and play it cool now. She’d waited for Terra to come to her, but that wasn’t necessary. She didn’t need to wait until he was ready or make sure he was in enough control of his darkness or – or whatever fanciful thought had made her think she needed to wait. She could go to him.

Yes, she thought, looking back at him as he and Ven said their goodbyes. She would go to him. This time, they would get it right.

* * *

She tossed and turned that night, hardly able to contain herself. She would have to apologize. Terra was battling back his darkness; he must have been so upset to see her confuse his hesitation with falling to darkness. Of course, how could she have guessed when he’d been so forthright in the Keyblade Graveyard?

But he’d just come back from his own ordeal, and he’d likely wanted to get it all off his chest while he’d known he could. Afterward was when uncertainty had kicked in. She hadn’t really said anything back then. They’d been so busy dealing with Xehanort that, even though they’d all stayed together and hugged, it had been a moment for all three of them, not just for her and Terra. There had never really been a good moment to reciprocate. And then she’d let that silence stretch on – she would fix it. She would confess first. If she did, that would pave the way for him, and they could start moving forward.

Her heart raced so fast she could hardly control her breathing. She turned back over on her bed, adjusting the pillow once again. That was right. In just a few hours, they would be officially more. They would be boyfriend and girlfriend, each other’s special person. Her mind conjured up pictures of them together, holding hands, going out, dressing up. She would lean up on her tip-toes and Terra would obligingly lean down, and their lips would meet in the middle. She covered her face with her hands and shook her head, unable to contain her giggle. No wonder Kairi had done the same when she’d come up with speak with her! No wonder Kairi had looked at her like she was clueless! She was! She _was!_

She turned over and squealed into her pillow. She was a keyblade master! She wasn’t a little kid! But her heart was nearly _bursting_ from her chest. She felt _giddy_. That was a word she hadn’t thought to use in relation to herself in… possibly _ever_. But after so many years wandering the Realm of Darkness, so many years facing her worst thoughts and fears, worrying about Ven and Terra, trying to get out, waiting to be saved, only to be left behind for an enemy to attack her – all that time, she’d been waiting for the chance to have something like _this_. To have Terra look at her like he had that day, so full of relief and wonder. For him to say she was so important that she was the one to pull him back from the darkness – how could it not have been worth it?

She’d vanquished the darkness. She, with the help of the other keyblade wielders, had gotten back Ven and Terra and taken down Vanitas and Xehanort. Even though she’d been attacked until she ended up filled with darkness, she had come out of it with nothing but light. And in doing so, she’d managed to drag her family back, as well. It _had_ been a heavy burden, just as Master Eraqus had said. But it was one she’d been happy to bear.

Tomorrow, it would all have been worth it. Tomorrow.

She looked at her clock, then determinedly closed her eyes. She turned to her other side. Smiled. _Tomorrow._

* * *

“I’m not leaving you,” Terra said. Ven still gripped his arm. Aqua came out from the library, having gone over her speech to Terra one last time, this time speaking it out loud while Terra and Ven practiced in the yard. Terra put his hand over Ven’s and bent his head close. “You don’t have to worry. I’m just meeting with Riku. He’s going to head out to find Sora, and he wants to discuss a couple of things with me. That’s it. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“But I can come!” Ven said. “I can help!” He put a hand to his chest. “I can still feel him with me. Just like I could – like I could Vanitas.” Ven hung his head. Terra squeezed his hand tight. “I don’t want to lose him. He’s my _friend_. My oldest one. Even before you two.”

“I know.” Terra pulled Ven’s head forward and kissed his hair. Aqua paused, her heart skittering. For a moment, all she could see was him doing the same to her. Her cheeks went red-hot again. “But diving into the heart is something none of us have the power to do. And even if we did, doing so leaves you in danger of being lost. The greatest chance we have of getting Sora back is sending the person closest to him. We’re lucky. That person also happens to be excellent at diving into a person’s heart.”

Ven nodded, but he didn’t seem happy about it. Terra rubbed his head in consolation and stood straight. His gaze caught on Aqua. “I’ll be back in a few hours,” he said, his voice somewhat clipped.

She raced forward. “Wait.”

Terra paused in the middle of calling out his glider. She ran up to him, her skirt flaring out behind her. She caught the stiffness in Terra’s shoulders, the way he didn’t _quite_ turn to meet her. She reached out and hugged him. “I’m sorry,” she said. She felt his muscles spasm. “I shouldn’t have assumed everything was about darkness.” Slowly, after a few moments, the stiffness in those shoulders loosened. She grinned. She’d been right. She’d created this space herself, in misunderstanding him. “I know you’re fighting the darkness, and that you’ve made great strides.” She pulled back. “Because you’re strong. You’ll be fine in no time.”

The smile lifting his lips froze. “Right,” he said. She thought she could feel his heart trip, the beat of it steady as he gently pushed her back. She sent him a puzzled grin. “Sorry. I have to get going. Riku wants to head out as soon as possible.”

Right. Sora. She’d chosen a time when it would be once again difficult for him to segue into what he wanted to say. What _she_ wanted to say. But the apology was the most important thing, and it was done. Now they no longer had her mistake wedging them apart. When he returned, everything could move forward between them.

She stepped back, her heart hammering. She looked forward to it.

She waved goodbye as Terra headed off. Ventus hugged himself for a moment. She bent down to her knees and smiled up at him. “He’ll be back in no time.”

Ven hesitated. Nodded. “Yeah.”

She felt the space between them widening. It was true that she was upset that Terra hadn’t told her the circumstances of his departure, or that he wasn’t going to leave her all alone. But she knew he would be back. Unlike Ven, she wasn’t afraid of being left behind for a few hours. And she didn’t need to know why he was leaving; she could put together the information on her own. So it wasn’t from her that distance increased between them like the cracking of worlds. Why was Ven pulling away?

She thought for several moments. Ven didn’t move away, but he didn’t try to engage her in conversation, or even look at her all that much. He seemed more interested in watching the sky, as if Terra might turn right back around and return. She tilted her head. “Are you angry with me?” she asked.

Ven nearly jumped to the sky.

Yes! He was! Terra had been wrong; Ven was upset with her. She bowed her head. “I’m sorry.” Ven made another startled motion; she saw him shift back, away from her. “I never meant to leave you alone for so long.”

Ven couldn’t know how hard she’d tried to get back to him, how worried she’d been about having left him behind. All he knew was that he’d slept over a decade away with no one there to wake him up. Of course he’d be upset. He must think she didn’t love him.

“Th-That’s not it.”

She looked up. Ven’s hands were raised toward her, outstretched as if to touch. She dared stand up again. “‘Not it?’ Then there _is_ something you’re upset with me for?” Ven’s mouth moved. His eyes widened. He looked around. She grabbed his hand. “Ven?”

Ven shuffled his feet, looked down at the ground, and sighed. “I can’t,” he said. His lips firmed. “I can’t. Terra, I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. She didn’t understand. “Ven?”

Ven’s fists clenched. He backed away. “I love you, Aqua.” He nearly spat out the words. “I love you. But I hate listening to you talk about light and darkness.”

She blinked.

What? Was he angry with her over _that?_ Did he, what? Not want to talk about the responsibilities of keyblade wielders? Or did he just want a break? Or…

“I _hate_ listening to you talk to Terra about it!” Ven stamped his foot. His voice echoed off the very clouds, rebounding like thunder along the edges of their home. “You got caught by Xehanort, too. You attacked Mickey and Riku, to the point where you almost killed Riku.”

Aqua flinched. “That hadn’t been by choice,” she said.

“You think Terra’s was?!”

“No!” She shook her head. “I know he wouldn’t have made that decision if he hadn’t been swallowed by darkness.”

“And yet you treat him like he’s a failure!” Aqua held up her hands, her eyes widening at the look on Ven’s face. She’d never seen him so angry. A part of her wondered if it had anything to do with the loss of Vanitas. The rest of her just wondered what was going on. Didn’t Terra like her? Didn’t Ven know that?

 _Oh._ Ven was mad that she’d attacked Terra when he’d been trying to confess. She lowered her head. All right. She could understand that. She would be upset, too, if anyone else had done that to him. She tried again. “He’s not a failure. I know that.” She lowered her hands. Ven seemed confused; he didn’t continue. So she did. “He made mistakes, but he’s strong enough to get past them. And I know I jumped to conclusions earlier. I’ll apologize again when he comes back.”

Ven’s brows lowered. He hung his head. He didn’t nod or smile or anything, but he didn’t yell at her anymore, either. She wondered if he understood. To him, love must have been like a fairy tale, both partners working in perfect harmony at all times. In reality, things didn’t always work out that way. Not at first. But in the end, they could. She would show him that. She chuckled. “I promise, Ven. No more mommy and daddy fighting.”

Ven’s face twisted before he turned away. “Right,” he said, and left. She shivered. For an instant, he sounded just like Terra.

Almost, she called him back. But no. If he was trying to defend Terra’s honor, then it would be best if Terra was the one to speak with him.

She would tell him what had happened. Terra would take care of it.

* * *

Terra came back near the start of evening. She’d prepared supper, but Ven didn’t seem willing to leave his room. She didn’t understand the temper tantrum, but she’d decided he could sort it out on his own. Terra came through the entrance to the training grounds. She ran from the kitchen and leaned over the balcony, her smile through the roof. “Terra! Welcome back!” She waved at him.

Terra smiled up at her and waved back. He looked around. “Where’s Ven?”

She shook her head. “Sulking in his room still.” Terra’s brow creased. She waved it away. “He’s been like that since this morning.”

Terra hurried up the steps. “He’s that upset that I left him behind? I should have taken him with me.”

She made a short, negative sound and held out her hand before he could go racing off. “That’s not it,” she said. He looked back at her. “He’s a bit confused over everything that’s happened the past few days.”

Slowly, Terra straightened. Something in his gaze switched, and just like before, she saw something in him that reminded her of the darkness. She sucked in a deep breath. “Ven got angry about the conversations we’ve had recently. And I know I was wrong to assume your silence meant something bad had happened in your battle against the darkness,” she said, raising her hand as Terra opened his mouth. “I do know that. But Ven shouldn’t have done that. He was rude and abrasive. It was unlike him.” She looked out, toward the windows and the grassy field beyond. “I’m worried about him.” She looked back. “Talk to him?”

Terra grimaced. His hand reached out, not for her, but to grip the balcony. He held it so tight his knuckles whitened. He sucked in a breath. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

She stopped right before she would have continued talking, her mouth flapping open a bit. What? Here? Now? Really? She closed her mouth. Oh. She looked down. Smiled. Oh! All right, then. She looked back up and nodded. “Don’t worry,” she said, “I love you, t–”

“You’re sanctimonious, Aqua, and it needs to stop.”

Her voice died in her throat. Terra looked like he’d surprised himself with his words. Then, a second later, he nearly did a double-take. “What were you about to say?” he asked.

She pressed her lips together. “You first.”

“Right.” Terra looked away – Aqua caught his gaze lingering on the hall leading to their private chambers. Thinking of Ven? Waiting for Ven to come save him? When Terra looked back, his brows were indeed scrunched, just as she’d predicted. His lips, however, were firm. “You’re judgmental. Not just about my darkness, but about me in general.” She opened her mouth. “Don’t.”

The word was harsh, sudden, quick; Terra, for once, was not letting her speak over him. It felt strange. Terra was so accommodating, usually. He’d spent his entire life trying to prove himself strong and worthy; she wasn’t used to him acting like he already was. Even though she’d always said it, she found herself taciturn in her response to seeing it. Terra was nicer when he let her speak.

“Even though both of us got taken over by Xehanort, you act like you’re better than me, anyway.” Terra’s hands shook. He clenched the balcony tighter. It would leave marks in his skin. “What? Because I was taken first? He _targeted_ me, Aqua. I always thought it was because of my own weakness, too. But that’s wrong. Riku showed me I was thinking about it wrong. Not because I’m ‘like him,’ or ‘not like him.’ Do you know what he said to me?” Terra lifted his chin and didn’t give her time to answer. “He said, ‘a victim is a victim. We may have our weaknesses, but we didn’t ask to have them exploited.’ And he’s right. I may have struggled with the darkness, with my strength. With finding my place. But I never struggled in my beliefs of what was right, or in my desire to help people. It was that desire that was used against me.”

Aqua didn’t know how to respond. What did this have to do with her? “So you tried to help, but you failed,” she said, and he showed his teeth. She took a step back.

“I didn’t _fail_ anything, Aqua!” The balcony made a dangerous creaking noise. Terra let it go immediately, but without it, his fists clenched and unclenched on air. “I _trusted_ , and I was betrayed. You may not know what that’s like, so maybe you just don’t get it. But I _trusted_ Master Xehanort. He was the one to accept me when my darkness made both you and Master Eraqus turn from me.”

“I never–”

“You did! The instant you decided you needed to start _teaching_ me and _watching_ me! The moment you decided I was too weak!”

She took another step back. She choked on her next defense. Suddenly, she was remembering their last night before they were all separated. They’d sat together, all of them sparring with one another, all of them trying to improve themselves that last little bit before their exam the next day. It felt like she looked upon another person. Hadn’t she thought Terra strong back then? Didn’t she now? She always said he was. She _knew_ he was. Knowing that, she stepped forward again. “I know you’re strong! When have I said you weren’t?!”

Terra opened his mouth. Shut it. She lifted her chin, victorious.

“Every time,” he said, his voice low. She hissed. “Every time you say I’ll prove how strong I am, it means you don’t think I’m strong enough _now_.”

“That’s not true!”

“Then stop saying it!” Terra’s shoulders rose. His clenching fists curled toward his stomach. He looked _defensive_. Even though _he_ was the one attacking _her_. “Do you even know what you sound like?!”

“Like _what?_ What do you think I sound like?!”

“Like you’re constantly judging me and finding me wanting!”

They both stared at each other, breathing heavily. Aqua found herself leaning into Terra’s personal space, while Terra curled down, meeting her and making himself look smaller at the same time. What the hell was going on? She’d thought this moment was going to be… to be…

“I know you love me,” Terra said. The words were choked out, as if they left a bad taste in his mouth. “I know you think your love is enough to make everything you do okay. You don’t even know you _do_ it. But it was when I spoke with Riku that I found out why things went differently for him than for me.”

“What does that have to do with–”

“It’s because Sora accepted him when he was at his darkest. Even though he sent their world into darkness, even though he tried to hurt Sora and use Kairi, even though he willingly allowed Xehanort’s heartless inside his heart, even though he’d used so much darkness that he’d taken on the countenance of Xehanort’s heartless. Even with all of that, Sora fell to his knees and _wept_ in happiness to have Riku back. _Even when he had so much darkness inside him!”_

Aqua’s mouth snapped shut. The words, caught in her throat, left only silence behind, as Terra waited for her to say something. Finally, he huffed out a dry, humorless chuckle and looked away.

“Yeah.” Terra backed off. He held one arm up to his chest as if injured. “Exactly.”

The silence stretched and stretched around them. She couldn’t find anything to say. She’d been expecting something so wonderful, only to hear – to hear that this was what Terra thought of her. To hear she had apparently been an awful friend in his eyes. “So, you’re saying you fell because of me?” She wrapped her arms around herself. “That you hate me?”

Terra covered his eyes with one hand. His shoulders hunched. “I’m saying the reason I didn’t answer your call – the reason why our bond remained only on your side – was because I didn’t feel like I was acceptable enough to stay around you. And if I hated you, don’t you think I would have stayed gone? Do you really think this would be so difficult?”

Despite everything she was hearing, she couldn’t help but feel a bubble of hope. It made her calm down, made her really _listen_.

She’d never really thought about it. Master Eraqus had always taught them that their strength came from the light, and that they were vanguards against the darkness. The darkness would consume everyone, destroy their hearts, leave them nothing but a shell of their former selves. When she’d seen Terra’s body all those years ago in Radiant Garden, his hair white, his smile cruel, she had thought it proof that Terra had _failed_. Because she’d known he would.

But… but she’d seen her worst thoughts reflected back at her in the Realm of Darkness. She’d heard her own most disparaging beliefs. She tried to imagine Terra saying those things to her and cringed. No. She clamped her hands over her ears. She didn’t want to think about that. That would have been _horrible_. In the Realm of Darkness, after traveling alone for so long – to see Terra again, only for him to tell her no one wants to save her? She shuddered. No. Terra wouldn’t say that.

But she _had_. She _had_ told him he would fail again. She _had_ told him that he’d put himself too close to the darkness. Even after Xehanort’s defeat, she’d told Terra he could _become_ a master. But didn’t that mean that Terra hadn’t yet proven himself worthy to her? Didn’t that mean she did, indeed, find him wanting?

She hadn’t meant it like that! She believed in him! She…

She looked at Terra. He hadn’t moved. It was as if he still waited for her judgment. His back was so broad, his stature so tall. He always seemed so sure of himself. When they’d trained together, he had been. Yet she’d seen cracks as they’d traveled. He’d been confused. Lost. Well. She had _thought_ he was lost. And she’d tried to comfort him. To guide him back. Maybe that had been unfair, too? Maybe, if he’d been accepted by the master, he wouldn’t have doubted himself so much. Maybe the only reason she didn’t doubt herself was because she’d had the master’s backing. Maybe she had taken it too far, thought of herself too highly. Hadn’t they all had the same dream?

She dropped her gaze to the floor. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

Terra stiffened. Slumped. “As for Ven,” he said.

“He was angry with me because of this, wasn’t he?” Terra turned back around, finally facing her again. “Because he knew what I was doing to you.”

“…Yeah.” Not bothering to deny it. It seemed Terra had had enough with pretending he was all right. “But Aqua.” She looked up. His gaze was on her. Despite everything, her heart still jumped. “I won’t ‘talk to him.’ He’s not a kid. He hasn’t been for a long time. You need to recognize that, too.”

She didn’t know that she was in a place at the moment to argue. So she just listened.

“You have to stop babying him. It’s an insult to the partner whose goal has always been the same as ours. And…” He stopped for a second and cleared his throat. “Uh, we, um.” He looked away and scratched his chin. She tilted her head. Was he… blushing? Her cheeks heated. Really? After all of this, after chastising her for her wrongdoings, he was going to tell her? Maybe he felt like they were more equal now. Or maybe he felt less attacked? Since she’d readily admitted she’d hurt him?

“Terra?” she prompted.

He cleared his throat. “Right. Um.” He once again sucked in a deep breath, gathering his courage. He always had that same look on his face when he was standing up for something. “We promised not to tell you until things had… settled, but. If I understood you correctly earlier, you said, uh – you said something.”

She blushed scarlet. “Uh-hmm?”

She wanted to bury her face in her hands. What kind of sound was that?

“Right.” He whispered the word again under his breath, then straightened his shoulders. “Which means I can’t hide it from you and wait until a better time. It wouldn’t be fair to you, or – or even to us.”

She made a small moue of confusion. Us? Were they – she and Terra – ‘us?’ Was he already talking about them like that? “What…?”

“Ven and I are in a relationship.”

She froze.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught movement. She didn’t dare look. It was clear Ventus had begun participating in the same new habit she’d taken to. “How could you,” she spat. She expected another flinch. This time, she didn’t get it. Her fists clenched. “Ven is a _child_. How _dare_ you–”

“He’s only a few years younger than us–”

“That’s a lot at his age!” She shoved against his chest. He barely fell back. She would need to use magic to do more. She would need her keyblade. “He’s still young. Of all the people in the World for you to turn to…! He’s your _brother!_ You’ve known him since he was barely able to talk!”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s right!” she said, seeing the wide eyes and hanging jaw. How dare he act surprised at this. How dare he talk to her about being too quickly judgmental, only to tell her he was courting their little Ven! She’d been right all along; there _was_ darkness there. And he was turning it on Ven. “You dare attack me when this is what you’re doing? Hiding it because you _know_ it’s unacceptable–”

“Ven asked me to–”

“Don’t give me excuses!” She did call her keyblade out now, an instinctive reaction to her rage. But there was no one to beat out of Terra any longer, no Vanitas to slay or possessed Terra to free. This was Terra, of his own volition. Tears welled up in her eyes. “Ven deserves better.”

“Stop!”

She threw up her keyblade, blocking something whirling toward her. When it clanged against her keyblade, she caught sight of it – Ven’s keyblade. She looked toward the hall to see that Ven had stepped out from his hiding spot, face contorted in a way she’d never seen on him. His keyblade returned to his hand.

“Ven,” Terra breathed, then, “don’t–”

“How dare _you!”_ Ven charged up, his gaze not on Terra, but her. “What kind of person do you think Terra is?!” Ven wormed himself in between Aqua and Terra, forcing them both away from each other. “Terra would _never_ hurt me.”

“Ven,” she tried, but he cut her off.

“I’m sixteen!” He put his hand on his chest. He did not release his keyblade. “I get that I still have a lot to learn, but I’m old enough to make my own decisions. If you’re going to attack Terra because of our relationship, then you should attack me, too.”

“You’re still just a child; sex isn’t–” she started, but both of them made a disgusted noise, and she found herself silencing again.

“I would _never_ – he’s too young for that,” Terra said, mortified. Ven made another disgusted sound at _that_ , too.

“I’m not, but I’m fine with waiting.” Aqua realized they were all speaking about sex in front of Ven and blushed. She didn’t want Ven talking about it yet. “Until you’re okay with it, until we’re both equally ready.” Ven shooed Terra back.

“I should – it’s my responsibility,” Terra murmured.

“Let me defend you,” Ven said, and that was apparently that. Terra actually bowed out of their conversation and stepped several paces back, letting Ven stand on his own. She couldn’t believe it. How could Terra let Ven face her accusations for him? How dare he act like he was better than she’d thought, only to leave Ven standing alone when it was _him_ doing wrong?

“Ven, leave this one to us,” she said. Ven glared at her. Little Ven _glared_ at her.

“No. I’ve had enough. I said before that you’ve let becoming master go to your head, but you really _have_ changed.” Ven finally released his keyblade, but when he did, he grabbed hers. Not letting her wield it freely. “You say you care about Terra, but you really only care about who you want him to be, don’t you?”

She opened her mouth. Closed it. “How could you say that?”

“What do you mean, how could I? You said you loved him, but you’ve done nothing but attack him since you became master!”

“You heard that?” Terra asked. She caught a blush on his cheeks.

“So what?” Ven said. He was suddenly blushing, too. “You were loud. And I’d been waiting for you.”

“Aqua said you got mad.”

It was as if they forgot she was even there. She’d seen this closeness over and over again, but she never would have guessed – the way Terra looked at Ven didn’t look any different from when Terra had likened Ven to the stars, back before they’d ever even had their exam. Could this have been the darkness that had stopped him from becoming a master? Had… had Terra had something like this in him all this time?

She looked at Terra, seeing him completely differently than before. How could she have been so blind to the darkness inside of him? She’d failed him. She should have saved him from it sooner. She firmed her grip on her keyblade. The action pulled Ven’s attention to her, but by the time it had, she’d already wrenched her keyblade free. Ven stumbled. Gasped. She raised her keyblade as Terra’s eyes widened. “I don’t know what happened to you,” she said, “but I will free you.”

Terra used fire and earth. Water would be the best attack.

“Don’t!” Ven scraped himself onto his knees as she curled her keyblade around, imbuing it with magic. He reached for her hand. She recognized the move and simply launched her attack. What she hadn’t expected was Ven grabbing her arm and using it to twist himself in between them again. Ven took the blast of her magic full on the chest. Terra cried out. Ven fell back, caught from falling by Terra. She lowered her arm, her keyblade dissipating as she realized what she’d done.

Terra lowered himself Ven to the ground, holding him to his chest as Ven sucked in a sudden, wheezing breath. She had not held back. The water would have felt like getting hit in the chest with a block of wood. She covered her mouth with her hands. Terra looked up at her. “What are you doing?! Heal him!”

She did. Tears gathered in her eyes. “Ven. I’m so sorry…”

Ven curled away from her. Even healed, he snuggled into Terra’s chest. His shoulders shook. Terra hugged him. He lowered his head into Ven’s hair for a moment, then looked back up at her. “I would never,” he said, “willingly attack either of you. Even with how you’ve hurt me, I would never have turned my strength on you.” She couldn’t speak. There was nothing she could say. “You talk about _freeing_ me, as if loving Ven is a _sin_.” Terra’s hands clenched on Ven’s shoulders. She saw his beautiful eyes glisten. Terra was fighting back tears, too. “You talk about loving me, yet you don’t trust me. Not against the darkness. Not with Ven. Not with anything.”

Her tears fell. She didn’t know how she could possibly defend herself. She could still see Ven falling back, the blast of her water splashing against his chest. He was still soaked, and getting Terra soaked, as well. What defense was there for that?

“You hate darkness so much you forget it’s just a part of who we all are. Even Ven has some in his heart, even after everything Master Xehanort did to him.” Terra looked away, back toward Ven. “For everything that Master Xehanort got wrong, I’m starting to think he was right about one thing.” He glared up at her. She actually took a step back. Terra never glared. “There needs to be a balance. Too much light does nothing but cast shadows. And you’re so full of light, you’ve become blinded.”

“I…” She tried to say something. But what? What, when she’d hurt Ven? She covered her eyes and sobbed. What was there left to say?

“I have darkness in my heart,” Terra said. With only her hearing left to her, she could hear so much more. The words were stated strongly, as if they were merely a matter of fact. “And you’re right that I made mistakes. I thought people could be trusted. I thought I was worthless if I wasn’t a master, if I had the darkness in me that my master abhorred. I thought too little of myself.” Ven made a small sound. She couldn’t make it out. She lowered her arms on instinct, trying to understand what she heard. Ven had wrapped his arms around Terra and was shaking his head. He hiccuped a small sob. Terra held him tight.

“But you’re wrong,” Terra said, continuing, “to think that this lessens me. It’s merely another part of who I am. I’m no longer afraid of it. As for Ven?” He pressed Ven’s head to him, taking Ven’s tears onto himself. She wished she could do the same. She, however, had lost her right. “I love him. I’ve loved him differently, with more innocence, more camaraderie, than I do now. If he never wanted me back, if he demanded I leave him alone until he was thirty, I would still love him.”

“You don’t need to explain this!” Ven said. His voice was watery, his words punctuated by heaving breaths. “You don’t ever need to defend it! I’m the one who came to you! I’m the one who asked you if your words at the graveyard meant you felt the same. It was _me_.”

Aqua cried harder. She hadn’t known. What words at the graveyard? That Ven had reached him? Saved him? ‘Just as I thought.’ She covered her face again. She’d thought Terra saying she’d maintained their bond had meant he loved her, when in reality, he’d been saying only she had wanted to hold onto it. For Ven, however, Terra had said he’d heard him. She’d been so blind. _Willfully_ blind.

And to hear _Ven_ had been the one to pursue _Terra?_ But _of course_ he had been; hadn’t she thought Terra was awkward, maybe too awkward to go to her and say how he felt? Hadn’t she thought Terra strong, and kind, and supportive, and – and yet she’d thought he’d chased after Ven, had _abused_ him. What kind of person thought such a thing about a person they loved?

He was right. She’d never trusted him. Not once.

“If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s _mine_ ,” Ven was saying. She fell to her knees. “I should have just waited. I shouldn’t have pressed you. I love you. I’ve always loved you, just as you are. I could have waited a thousand years. I didn’t think Aqua would – I thought, with all of us back together – I’m _so sorry, Terra.”_

She sobbed. She bent into herself and sobbed. This was never what she’d wanted.

She heard Terra shift, then stand. Something about it, the heaviness of his movements, the way the sounds from Ven moved, told her he’d picked up Ven. “Never be sorry,” she heard Terra whisper. “I’m happy with you like this.”

Ven cried harder. Terra walked away.

She was left on the floor, all alone.

* * *

Long into the night, she stood in the kitchen, looking at the cold ruins of the meal she’d prepared. Terra had taken Ven with him to Destiny Islands, barely bothering to tell her they were leaving before walking out the door. She hadn’t had a single word to say that might have stopped him. She doubted she had any words left at all.

Her fingers trailed over the countertops. The food was starting to smell. Just like her actions, now that she could look back on everything alone.

She loved Terra. She knew she did, because her heart still raced, and _hurt_ , thinking about him. Same for Ven. She loved him dearly. She loved them _both_ dearly.

So how could she have hurt them so badly?

She looked back over every moment with Terra since they’d returned from the Keyblade Graveyard. Had there been any sign that he’d been falling to darkness? She didn’t think so. So why had she assumed he had been? Why had she _looked_ for weakness within him? Simply because, after all those years, she’d once again seen him possessed? Simply because, in his possession, he had hurt her and Ventus and Sora? Hadn’t she also attacked Mickey, a dear friend of hers? Hadn’t she also dearly hurt Riku? She thought herself too strong to fall to darkness, but Terra, in having shown darkness before, had been, in her eyes, ‘weaker,’ ‘more susceptible.’ She hugged herself. In reality, hadn’t she just been putting on airs?

Numbly, she started throwing away the food. She wasn’t hungry. Every time she thought about eating, she remembered raising her keyblade. The way Terra had looked at her, as if the very idea of her attacking him had never crossed his mind. _‘Ven and I are in a relationship.’_ She’d thrown Ven to the floor, thinking only that he was in the way. Terra had _just_ finished warning her that Ven wasn’t a child anymore, and she still hadn’t predicted he would be willing to protect Terra from a blow. A blow from point-blank range, a blow of _magic_ that _she_ had conjured. Even knowing it would cause great pain, Ven hadn’t hesitated. And she had ended up _hurting_ him.

But if he hadn’t? If Ven hadn’t gotten up, or had moved slower, or hadn’t thought to grab her arm and swing himself forward that little bit faster? She would have hit Terra. With righteous fury, thinking herself just. She would have hit the man she claimed to love.

Her tears fell onto the floor. She covered their sound with the running water of the sink, not wanting her sobs to echo around the empty building. Not wanting to hear how alone she was.

They’d both left her behind. And why wouldn’t they? she thought, sniffing horribly as she cleaned the dishes. She’d attacked them. She’d screamed in their faces, acting innocent, acting _sanctimonious._

She gripped the edge of the sink and sank low into her sobs. She hadn’t meant to hurt them. She’d wanted to _protect_ them. But somewhere in there, her desire to protect had become a desire to sculpt them, to mold them into perfect models of what she thought they could become. Instead of loving who they were. _‘I’ve always loved you, just as you are.’_ When had she thought that about Terra?

Not since the test. Not since he’d been labeled ‘not good enough’ by the Mark of Mastery exam.

She opened her mouth and cried, long, ugly, wracking sobs that left her feeling sick. Her tears splashed onto the dishes.

She’d been wrong.

She’d been so wrong.

* * *

They didn’t come back. Not the next day, nor the one after that. On the third day alone, she gathered up her courage, put her pride on the shelf, and went to Destiny Islands.

She didn’t know what she expected when she arrived on the world, once more looking upon the crystal clear waters surrounding the tiny coast. She’d thought to see the others sitting together, Terra and Ven maybe squirreled away somewhere while Riku and Kairi did their own thing. She’d forgotten that Riku had left to find Sora, or that Kairi had been one of those who had warned her long before she’d destroyed everything around her.

She shouldn’t have been surprised to see Kairi alone on the beach, Terra and Ventus both out of sight. She shouldn’t have been surprised to see Kairi walk toward her, keyblade out as if ready for battle, brows drawn low, smile long gone. But she was.

“Kairi,” she said. That was it. Her tongue failed her when she tried to say more.

“Aqua,” Kairi replied. Her tone was far less hesitant – and far less welcoming. “Why are you here?”

She looked down. She didn’t know. Apologizing was too small a penance for what she’d done. Looking back on herself, she didn’t know what she’d become. She felt more like she was staring back into that mirror, looking on someone who appeared to be her, but who clearly was not. And yet. “I – I don’t have anything I could say,” she said. Her throat closed up. She’d done plenty of crying the past few days, but it seemed her tears had not yet run out. “Just. Please. Tell them I’m sorry? I know they deserve more than that. I know I – I did them wrong. But…” She bent her head lower, trying to hide her tears. “But, after being without them for so long – I miss them. I miss them so much.”

Kairi stepped forward and placed one hand on her shoulder. She looked up, surprised at the gesture. Kairi smiled. “They’ll be happy to hear that,” she said. “They’ve missed you, too.”

Her tears fell harder. “How could they? After what I’ve done…”

“Do you think love doesn’t make mistakes?” Kairi’s hand slipped down to grasp hers. “They know what you were trying to do. It’s why they were so hesitant to bring up their own hurt. They still care about you, Aqua. They just need to know you accept them, every part of them, for who they are.”

“I do.” She said it quickly, then, straightening, “I do. I should have, from the start. Terra’s always been,” she said, crying all over again, “so good, and kind. He always thinks of others, and is so generous. I wanted to protect those parts of him, but I ended up thinking those traits to be weakness, and they _aren’t_. I should have…” She used her free hand to cover her eyes, trying desperately to wipe the tears away. “And Ven.” She laughed. “He’s grown up so much, hasn’t he?” Through her watery vision, she saw Kairi’s smile grow. “I missed it. I was so busy thinking of him as the kid we first met that I ignored the man he’d become. He was so brave, so true to himself, when he faced Vanitas. I should have recognized it then, but I just… didn’t want to lose the kid I knew and loved.”

Kairi pulled out a handkerchief from her pocket. She dabbed at Aqua’s eyes. “Those you love will always change and grow. You have to be ready to love these new people in front of you, and in new ways, or else you’ll lose them.”

“I know,” she sobbed. “I know that now. Too late.”

“It’s not too late,” Kairi said, her voice soothing. “It’s never too late to choose to love someone better.”

“They’ll never forgive me,” she wailed, hating the way her voice sounded but hating more the words themselves and the truth they carried. “Everything I did – _I hurt Ven._ Because I thought Terra’s love was unacceptable. How? How could I think that? _I love Terra_. I know he would _never…_ ”

Kairi let her cry, let her once again sink into herself as she faced what she’d done. This time, however, arms wrapped around her. Aqua felt someone hug her, this her who had hurt her loved ones. She collapsed on Kairi, surprised all over again by the young woman’s strength. Kairi rubbed her back and stayed silent, letting Aqua cry out all her tears. When finally she was done, Kairi once again cleaned up her tears and led her to a small raise in the land. Beside them a small rush of water fell splashing down to a small pool by their hands. The sound reminded Aqua of her attack on Terra. She shivered. “You all right?” Kairi asked.

Aqua nodded. She didn’t feel all right, but she didn’t deserve to. Not yet. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to burden you with this.”

Kairi shook her head. “Pain isn’t convenient. It doesn’t choose when it comes, or how long it stays.” She looked away, toward the skyline. Aqua wondered how Kairi felt, alone here on the island again, waiting for her own loved ones to return. Wondering if they ever would. How guilty must she feel, knowing that Sora had fallen in order to save her? How must she feel again now, unable to go find him herself, having to leave that to her friend?

Aqua wiped her nose, horrified to see snot on her hand. She quickly washed it away in the pool. When Kairi looked back, she saw Aqua’s hand in the water and smiled again. “They’ve been resting here. I think they just needed a place where they didn’t feel trapped.”

Aqua flinched, but she said nothing. They _had_ been trapped. Hiding themselves, their love for one another, because they couldn’t be sure how she would respond. And then she _did_ , and she’d chosen _wrong_. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispered.

Kairi giggled. She covered her mouth. “Sorry,” she said. “But you’re acting like this is a problem you can hit and make go away.” Aqua flushed. That was exactly how she’d acted. “You have to know. All the light in the world won’t make darkness go away.”

Aqua jerked. Her hand splashed the water around, spilling it over the edges of the small pool. Kairi jumped. Aqua muttered a quick apology, her mind still caught on Kairi’s words. They reminded her of something – something from those hazy moments before she’d traversed the darkness on her own for so long. Someone else had said the same thing to her once. ‘It’s dangerous to fight darkness with light, my dear.’

The fairy godmother. And when Aqua had asked what she’d meant, the elderly woman had smiled at her and said simply, 'you’re too young to know.' The fairy godmother had told her to experience more things to find the answer.

She certainly had experienced some things. Maybe this was the wake-up call the fairy godmother had needed her to have. If darkness couldn’t defeat light, then what could? She lifted her hand. Drops of water spilled into the pool, rippling out toward the rush of water. She thought of that night, watching Jaq risk himself for Cinderella’s happiness. Herself, too. Right? She’d beaten back the unversed, but that hadn’t been Jaq’s goal.

He’d wanted to protect Cinderella’s happiness. That had been the most important thing to him. Not light or darkness. Simply the person he cared about.

She found tears spilling down her cheeks again and shook her head. “I’m a fool.” Kairi tilted her head. “The answer’s been right in front of me all this time.” She gave Kairi a watery smile. “Even if Sora loved Riku, you would still love him, right?”

Kairi blushed. She cleared her throat. “Uh-hmm?”

Aqua chuckled. “Of course you would.” She wiped her eyes with Kairi’s handkerchief. “Because love, and trust, and kindness – those are all what makes light ‘light.’ It’s not about hitting things with it or eradicating the darkness. It’s about loving someone through it.”

“It’s about loving someone, darkness and all,” Kairi said, her voice soft. She stood, looking out. “When Sora and I found Riku again, we didn’t care that he had darkness in his heart. We didn’t care that he looked different. All that mattered was that he was back. If there was darkness in him, then we would accept it.” She grinned down at Aqua. “It was just a part of Riku, after all.”

Just a part of him? Aqua smiled bitterly. Yes. Darkness was a part of Terra, and a part of her. And she had never accepted it. She stood, as well. “I can’t expect forgiveness,” she told Kairi. “I understand that. What you did for Riku – it may seem simple, but it’s something I failed at. Even if they don’t hate me, I need to face that part of myself. I just – I wanted them to know.” She made to hand the handkerchief back, but one look at it made her stop. She bit her lip. “I’ll clean this, then return it to you.”

“All right,” Kairi agreed. Her answer was quick, quick enough that Aqua stood shocked. “I expect it back by tomorrow.” Kairi held one finger up. “Okay?”

Aqua sucked in a breath. Kairi was asking her to return? “Okay,” she said, breathless. Her heart raced. Was Kairi giving her a chance? “Okay,” she said again. “I’ll definitely be back.” She stepped away, calling her glider. “Definitely,” she said again.

“You'd better!”

She got on her glider, fairly racing home. She still had a chance. Kairi was willing to let her come back, and she had even said Terra and Ven didn’t hate her.

Home was still huge, and hollow, and echoing, but it looked the tiniest bit brighter than it had before she’d left.

* * *

Terra and Ventus were waiting with Kairi when she returned.

She stopped, still on her glider, at the sight of them before her. They stood side by side, not touching but nearly so. Beside them both stood Kairi, all of them lined up on the beach awaiting her arrival. Her heart stopped, then pounded its way straight up into her throat, until she could hardly breathe. Even if she could have found words, she wouldn’t have been able to speak them. She slipped from her glider and stood before them, hands clasped together. None of them spoke. She dared try. “I’m sorry,” she said. The words wobbled. She bit her lip to force the tears back. She wouldn’t cry in front of them again. She wouldn’t let their response be made out of guilt. “I’m so sorry.”

They didn’t say anything. What was there to say, anyway? She’d apologized before, then turned right back around and hurt them again, anyway. The words meant nothing. “I know it doesn’t mean anything to hear it. And I know I’ve already hurt both of you so much.” She bit her lip harder, but the pain just made the tears well up faster. “I know it, but I’m hoping you’ll give me another chance, anyway. I promise I’ll do better.” She lifted her head, but it was too late. The tears fell. Again. “Darkness, light, whatever love we have for each other – it doesn’t matter! I just want to be with you two! I want us to be happy!” She clenched her eyes shut, unable to see anyway through her tears, and bowed her head. “I promise I’ll listen, and try harder, and work on my attitude, and be there for you. I _promise_. Just please don’t hate me or leave me alone.”

Sand squished beneath hurried footsteps, and then arms encased her. Terra and Ven both held her to them. She wrapped her arms around them, fell into their arms, and cried. “We would never leave you,” Terra swore.

“We still love you,” Ven said, his words a promise. “We still want to be with you.”

“After what I did,” she said, but Terra shushed her.

“You’re our sister. You’re family. You hurt us, yes.” She cried harder. “But we know why. We know you thought you had to protect us from everything. Even from ourselves.”

“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I’m sorry. I never should have – I should have trusted you, Terra, I know I should have, I love you, so I should have.”

She didn’t know what she was saying anymore, only that she didn’t know how to explain what this meant to her. She’d hurt them. She’d denounced Terra, accused him of something like child molestation. She’d been _horrible_. She’d _attacked_ them. And yet they had both forgiven her? How? Why?

Terra didn’t seem to know how to counter her words – because they couldn’t be countered, not really – but he did try to shush her. “It’s all right,” he said.

She wasn’t the one who deserved to be consoled at the moment, but she couldn’t stop crying to say it. Ven laid his head on her side. “You messed up,” he said. “We’ve all messed up. All of us carry a burden. We won’t abandon you just because you made mistakes.”

“I love you, too,” she said. “You’ve grown up so much. I’m so proud of you. I just didn’t want to lose what we had. I was stupid.”

“That’s okay. You can just spar with me to make up for it. I think I might be able to get a win on you, too, now.”

She laughed. It was wet and a little strangled, but it was real. Her first laugh in days. “I’m sorry,” she said again. She looked over, barely able to peer beyond her two boys to see Kairi. The young woman was wiping at her eyes, her grin so wide it had to hurt. “Thank you,” she said to her, and saw Kairi nod. She closed her eyes.

Things would get better. _She_ would get better.

Love, and trust, and acceptance. Those were what was needed to defeat the darkness. Luckily for her, those she loved had all that in spades.


End file.
